It’s the perception that’s important.  It’s shaping up be to my life’s primary recorded work so I feel it imperative to make it entertaining. And, of course, impressive.

The fact that I hate Spain and simply loathe Gaudi is immaterial. Towering Catalan gothic architecture photographs really well. And how often do most people get to Spain?  Exactly.

It’s important to eat well.  I’m totally over truffles, in fact the smell of them right now makes me dry heave.  But they’re expensive and you can only get them in the right places.  A well-placed photo of fresh truffles grated over a housemade tagliatelle really hits the nail on the head.

Sharon? I know she’s mentioned a lot.  No, I do like her, I do.  It’s not just the free invites to party of the week #LeonardoDiCaprio #TrumpTower.  She can’t carry a conversation? Really? I honestly haven’t noticed that.  Well maybe she’d just had her lips done, it makes it hard for her to talk for a few days.

It’s a nice idea to pepper a few positive affirmations around the place. It’s not like I’m Buddhist or anything but I feel it helps me appear more well-rounded. Very rarely I’ll share a charity piece, I don’t want to people to think I’m moping around worrying about the world.

Yes, my mother is ill. Yes, very. Christ, you think I’m going to post that? I’m off to Paris this weekend. It stinks at this time of year, dog shit everywhere as well, but it’s Paris you know. Nothing beats an Eiffel selfie.

 Sorry? Oh yes, I’ll visit her soon. It’s only been a month or two.

No, I’m not lonely, are you kidding me. Look at my life, it’s fabulous. Just scroll down a little more. Doesn’t it look great.